It's so difficult to express in one story or memory how much someone means to you or how they were, but recently I keep coming back to this one particular moment with my Nan. Not just because it's a very emotive one but also because it seems to show so many of her good qualities all at once and has stuck with me very vividly. 

I phoned my Nan from the hospital right after I'd given birth to the twins (and I love that many of us got to make that wonderful phone call to her). I told her that they were OK (given that it was a shock early delivery) and that Olivia had been named after her middle name Olive. She was shocked and humble as always but ultimately excited to come and visit as soon as possible.

For those of you who have never visited a NICU ward it's a difficult place sometimes. You are so happy your baby has arrived and want to show everyone how proud you are, but it is also quite scary and overwhelming. There were wires and monitors and a lot of commotion and this tiny fragile thing in the middle of it. I was worried that this big moment for Nan, meeting her first great grandchild, wouldn't be as wonderful as I wanted it to be for her, and me, but frankly I should have known better. Nan came in with Grandad and took one look at her little namesake and got all emotional. I went to reassure her that she was OK but instead she said "oh Sam she's so perfect, just like I knew she would be". You see as always Nan hadn't seen any the beeps or wires, she just looked straight to the good and the love in a situation. Once she had managed to see past all the beeps and tubes and just enjoy this beautiful baby entering our family I too found everything easier and started to allow myself to enjoy these first moments.

She visited every Wednesday after that all through my maternity leave, always bringing me a packed lunch and some treats, and I've never felt more cared for than those few hours each week. I can't really explain how much I will miss her but her impact on my life has been huge and myself, Olivia and Maia will think of her often.